Reflections....

I had been meaning to check in on this place for a good while, but just couldn't ever find the time.
First, I had a major falling out with a "best friend" who wrote malicious things about me on her myspace for about a month, oh, and I happened to live with her and the lease wasn't up until the end of October. Fun times. Very bitter, juvenile person.I had to move outta there, but as a parting gift I cut off the electricity in the place two days before she got the keys to her new apt. Take that!
My ex and I got back together, I can't quite remember if I said that in my last post,but we did, as he was departing on this long deployment. I was a bit apprenhensive because I'm pretty sure he is the one who gave me herpes, but the deployment he just left for was more important than being tested. It eventually just wittled down to we didn't even care, we still had a wonderful relationship and sex life. Over his thanksgiving leave last week, he proposed to me, and I accepted!
As far as resolve: By the time me test time came around in mid-October, I had honestly forgotten about the whole resolve ordeal. Even if I had remembered, I wouldn't have wanted to waste my money. Strangely enough, Resolve never attempted to contact me in any way to see how I was doing. Wonder Why.
I have the feeling that resolve really damaged my body though. All of this is speculation, but hear me out: A couple of weeks after my test date, where it would have shown that I had no antibodies for the virus, I got a strange rash on my right bicep. It looked like the chicken pox, but it was limited to that small space on my bicep. I never had the chicken pox, I got vaccinated when I was 13. I find it strange that a couple of weeks after I would have no antibodies, when antibodies started to build back up (as they did with Love and Fighter, when they retested and had made more) I broke out in what looked like, well, the chicken pox. Which kinda makes me wonder, what other good things could it have wiped off my system? Sitting here typing this I realize other things I have been vaccinated for that could be at risk, like hepatitis?
I don't know, but every since then my body is kinda actin weird, I also believe I am actually getting little herpes OB's. Wouldn't notice them if I wasn't looking though, they are very mild. Anyway, I'm going to end this novel, and wish everyone well! I will be back, leave comments!

Day 51 Post Detox.

I don't even know why I'm still keeping count....or even if anyone reads this anymore (except you,spontaneous) but I did just realize that I am past the halfway mark if I was going to test. :P
Ok, so basically the news is this: I haven't had to run to the ER, but I am seeing a doctor later today (per my Mother's orders) This morning I woke up and the pain in my lower back is nearly unbearable. Tuesday I went #2 and filled a toilet with blood :( I really should have gone to the doc sooner, I suppose. Could it be resolve related? I really don't think so at this point as I have rectal bleeding for almost a year. I've always kinda ignored it, yah I know dumb, heh, I thought it was just a pesky hemmorhoid.
Anyway, I'm definitely in pain right now, and my doc appointment is in my hometown so I have to leave an hour and half early to get there. I'm also moving there so I was loading my car with things to take there and leave just for this little day trip and thought I was gonna fall out from the exertion. UGH FML.
I shall keep you posted on the word from the doctor :)

Day 47 Post Detox

OOOO....this sucks. Everybody seems so depressed :( Strangely, the fact that resolve doesn't work isn't chapping my @$$ as much as I would expect it to. $300 down the drain does kinda upset me though, but that's what scams are, they take your money, and they prey on desperate folks like us who can only *dream* of a cure for herpes.
What does bother me though, is the fact that as of Thursday morning, I began vomiting, had fever chills,and ran a 104 temperature. I was getting better until Saturday morning I woke up suddenly and my junk...burned. I also had trouble going #1 so I had to take some AZ0s.
Now, on Sunday, my tonsil on the left side still feels like it wants to explode, I have a runny nose and mucus discharge,a small bit of thrush in my mouth, and a mysterious stomach ache to boot.
I may just be vengeful, but this seems to me to be as a result of resolve.It seems that resolve wipes out you bodies natural defenses(i.e. Herpes antibodies) and me being this sick is my body trying to readjust and build its defenses back up. I don't remember ever being this sick, it's ridiculous.
I'll still keep you guys posted though, as I may go to the hospital later on tonight or tomorrow morning if I don't feel better. Otherwise, hang in there, don't let anything get you down ;)

Love,
Seatortuga

Day 32 Post Detox

Just thought I'd stop by and say hello. I feel fine, and the vajayjay feels fine too.
I've actually come back to speaking terms with her too...not that I really talk to my vajayjay,but for a while there I couldn't even bring myself to look at it. I wish I had something a bit more interesting to say, but I just feel good, no symptoms of anything. Wish it could go a bit faster though! Mid October is when I test.

Day 23 Post Detox

Yeek. Put your pants on one leg at a time is still positive. Who are we kidding y'all? I'm not trying to be a pessimist,but this is obviously one of many "cure" scams out there. I am tempted to bring this junk,as I still have my unused portions, to a specialist so they can tell me what it is and what it does. I'm guilty as well, but really, if this was a *cure* don't you think more people would know of this. I read the thread on herpes-coldsores.com on this stuff and apparently Dave is a known con.
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/showthread.php?t=13079&highlight=Resolve+herpes
I joined this site before I read that, but *oh well* I'm still going to get a western blot to confirm my diagnosis.
I sure wish Fighter would make an appearance, to see how she is doing :)
I wish there really was a cure :(

Day 19 Post Detox

Well,I caught Love's update from the other day and this information got my little cranial wheels a-turning. When I had a positive IGG test back in March, I had a 2.95,in the invalid range. I have never really had any symptoms, even when I was on the detox. I'm just wondering,um...maybe I actually don't have it after all? I guess the heartbreak of seeing another positive result would be just a little too much for me, but irregardless of the resolve, I do need to have a western blot to confirm what is going on with me. Also to be perfectly honest, due to some poor choices I made in the past, it would be a possibility to contract H. I am young, and completly human, and even though,yes, there is a small chance I might not have it, the past three months have been a very important experience and a moot life lesson on judgment. I was never harsh to anyone with an STD, quite the opposite actually, but I had the blind ignorance to believe that I was invincible,which absolutley lends to why I am here and I take responsibility for my actions. Three months I have known now, and as absolutely strange as this sounds, herpes has made me better.
I wish I could go back and tell that girl when she was first diagnosed that it will get better.I wish I could give her a hug and tell her that herpes does not affect her ability to love and be loved. I wish I could tell her to be small enough to accept the things in life that are far larger than herpes,but yet be big enough to educate the next generation and admit to the mistakes she ignorantly brought upon herself.
That scared,depressed,ashamed girl isn't around anymore,thankfully, but what's left in her place though, is this new me. I am proud of the person I am becoming.
Cheers to hopeful-cheers to a better world without anger, and without fear. Cheers to a world without silence in the face of ridicule. I read you'd moved and began starting over, and I am doing the same within the year. So, cheers to you, cheers to spontaneous, cheers to optimistic, cheers to us!

Day 9 Post Detox

Howdy everyone! I met with a friend last night, that I haven't seen in about a year, and he just volunteered to me that his ex gave him herpes.He doesn't know that I have it, and he seemed like he wanted to cry when he told me. I was elated when he told me, because now I have someone to relate too! I don't feel so alone anymore. We went to buffalo wild wings and just drank and relaxed together.
Everything is hunky dorey is the vajayjay region, matter of fact everything is hunky dorey in all aspects of my life. I don't post every day, but I do read the updates everyday, and I just adore all of you. I so hope this works, I would endure outbreaks for the rest of my life if you guys could be OK.
Please,please hang in there, and when times are rough, look at what you do have, not what you don't,Ok?