Friday, August 7, 2009

Day 19 Post Detox

Well,I caught Love's update from the other day and this information got my little cranial wheels a-turning. When I had a positive IGG test back in March, I had a 2.95,in the invalid range. I have never really had any symptoms, even when I was on the detox. I'm just wondering,um...maybe I actually don't have it after all? I guess the heartbreak of seeing another positive result would be just a little too much for me, but irregardless of the resolve, I do need to have a western blot to confirm what is going on with me. Also to be perfectly honest, due to some poor choices I made in the past, it would be a possibility to contract H. I am young, and completly human, and even though,yes, there is a small chance I might not have it, the past three months have been a very important experience and a moot life lesson on judgment. I was never harsh to anyone with an STD, quite the opposite actually, but I had the blind ignorance to believe that I was invincible,which absolutley lends to why I am here and I take responsibility for my actions. Three months I have known now, and as absolutely strange as this sounds, herpes has made me better.
I wish I could go back and tell that girl when she was first diagnosed that it will get better.I wish I could give her a hug and tell her that herpes does not affect her ability to love and be loved. I wish I could tell her to be small enough to accept the things in life that are far larger than herpes,but yet be big enough to educate the next generation and admit to the mistakes she ignorantly brought upon herself.
That scared,depressed,ashamed girl isn't around anymore,thankfully, but what's left in her place though, is this new me. I am proud of the person I am becoming.
Cheers to hopeful-cheers to a better world without anger, and without fear. Cheers to a world without silence in the face of ridicule. I read you'd moved and began starting over, and I am doing the same within the year. So, cheers to you, cheers to spontaneous, cheers to optimistic, cheers to us!

1 comment:

  1. I have to say, I do concur!!! Congrats on you personal growth...I'm glad things are working out for you :-)